so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
