Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
