Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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