I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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