Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
