You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
