I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
