yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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