Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
