She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
