I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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