If i come over, it means nothing
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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