textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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