Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
