When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
