I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
