When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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