The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize