I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
