I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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