evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
