Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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