you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
