i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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