i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
