I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
