dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
