I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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