I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
