I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
