Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
