That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
