I'm really into asian looking animals
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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