Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
