This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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