Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
