His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
