It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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