i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
