mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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