Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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