so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
