hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
