Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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