dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
