Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
