There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
