did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize