Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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