Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
