You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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