Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
