I am puke
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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