3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just tell him i said nine months
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
