What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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