You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
