He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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