Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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