i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
