love makes seman taste better
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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