just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
