end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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