why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
