Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
