Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
