I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize