with your own penis?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
