if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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