I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
